THE TRIP HOME AND SOME FINAL THOUGHTS

THE TRIP HOME TOOK 22 HOURS. WE LEFT THE HOTEL AT 3:45 AM IN ORDER TO MAKE OUR 6:15 FLIGHT TO ROME. ISTANBUL AIRPORT IS SUCH A NIGHTMARE. YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH SECURITY UPON ENTERING THE BUILING AND THREE MORE TIMES THEREAFTER UNTIL YOU ACTUALLY GET TO YOUR GATE. THERE ARE NO JETWAYS SO YOU HAVE TO SCHLEPP YOUR LUGGAGE DOWN THE STAIRS AND GET INTO A SHUTTLE BUS IN ORDER TO GET TO THE PLANE, THEN SCHLEPP YOUR LUGGAGE UP A HUGE FLIGHT OF STEPS TO ACTUALLY BOARD TO AIRCRAFT. THE SEATS WERE TINY AND MY CLAUSTROPHOBIC ANTENAE WERE VERY ACTIVE. AFTER A TWO AND A HALF HOUR FLIGHT TO ROME, WE HAD TO REVERSE THE ENTIRE PROCESS OF STAIRS AND SHUTTLE BUS, EXCEPT IT WAS POURING DOWN RAIN WITH LIGHTNING AND THUNDER. I THOUGHT I WOULD BE FRIED HOLDING ON TO THAT METAL STAIRCASE RAILING. AFTER AN HOUR IN ROME LOOKING AT OVERPRICED STORES, WE THEN HAD TO REPEAT THE PROCESS ONCE AGAIN AFTER GOING THROUGH SECURITY THREE MORE TIME. THERE ARE NO ORDERLY LINES ANYWHERE. PEOPLE JUST PUSH AND SHOVE UNTIL THEY MANAGE TO GET ONE PERSON AHEAD. IT WAS SUCH A NIGHTMARE. WE SAT ON THE PLANE FOR AN HOUR BEFORE IT TOOK OFF. THE FLIGHT WAS TEN HOURS LONG AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT FAMOUS SERVICE AND ITALIAN FOOD ON ALITALIA? EVEN THE PASTA WAS INEDIBLE! BUT WE ATE IT ANYWAY BECAUSE WE THOUGHT IT WOULD USE UP SOME OF THE TEN HOURS. THE ONLY THING GOOD WAS THE FREE WINE. IT WAS A BRAND NEW PLANE WITH VERY FANCY INTERACTIVE PERSONAL TV EQUIPMENT WHICH NOBODY, INCLUDING THE CREW, COULD FIGURE OUT HOW TO WORK. PEOPLE WERE GETTING REALLY FRUSTRATED. JERRY AND I FINALLY FIGURED OURS OUT AND WE WATCHED A MOVIE TO EAT UP SOME MORE TIME, BUT WE WOULDN'T TELL ANYONE ELSE HOW WE FIGURED IT OUT. THAT WAS THE PAYBACK FOR PUSHING AND SHOVING AHEAD OF US. AFTER AND INTERMINABLY LONG FLIGHT WE FINALLY LANDED IN MIAMI ONLY TO GET INTO ANOTHER STAMPEDE TO GET THROUGH CUSTOMS AND IMMIGRATION. WE HAD A HUGE VERBAL ALTERCATION WITH SOME NASTY OLD CUBANS TO TRIED TO SNEAK THEIR ENTIRE GROUP AHEAD OF US BUT WE WON OUT IN THE END. BY THAT TIME WE WERE BOTH SO TIRED AND GROUCHY THAT WE WOULD HAVE DESTROYED ANYONE TRYING TO GET IN FRONT OF US. THE LUGGAGE WAS THERE BEFORE WE ACTUALLY GOT THROUGH PASSPORT CONTROL WHICH WAS PRETTY AMAZING. THEN...ONLY TWO MORE HOURS TO GO TO GET OVER TO THE LIGHT RAIL SYSTEM WITH OUR EVER EXPANDING PIECES OF LUGGAGE AND ACTUALLY GET HOME. WE WE GOT OFF THE TRAIN, THERE WAS MY ADORABLE LITTLE GRANDSON WITH HIS BIG BLUE EYES AND HIS ARMS OUT WAITING FOR ME TO PICK HIM UP AND SUDDENLY EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT ONCE AGAIN.

A FEW FINAL THOUGHTS ON THIS TRIP:

1. IT WAS EXHAUSTING.
2. EUROPE IS TOO EXPENSIVE NOW AND NOT THE TIME TO TRAVEL THERE.
3. I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE ANOTHER MOSQUE.
4. PEOPLE ARE REALLY RUDE AND OBNOXIOUS.
5. CAIRO IS THE FILTHIEST PLACE I HAVE EVER SEEN.
6. EGYPT HAS THE BEST ANTIQUITIES I HAVE EVER SEEN.
7. EGYPTIANS KILLED ALL THE PIGS IN THE COUNTRY BECAUSE OF SWINE FLUE. NOT TOO MUCH BRAIN POWER THERE.
8. ISRAEL IS A REALLY FASCINATING PLACE.
9. I ABSOLUTELY DETEST FLYING. IT USED TO BE FUN. NOW IT IS A CURSE.
10.I VOW TO TAKE LESS LUGGAGE NEXT TIME.
11. TOO MANY DAYS IN A TINY ROOM WITH YOUR SPOUSE CAN LEAD TO MURDER.
12. MY HUSBAND IS AN EXPERT ON LOCAL BUS TRAVEL IN ANY LOCATION IN THE WORLD.
13. WHY DO WOMEN WEARKING BURKAS GO TO CLOTHING STORES?
14. WHEN YOU TRAVEL YOU NEVER STOP LEARNING.
15. NEVER DRINK THE WATER EXCEPT WHEN YOU HAVE TO REALLY STRUGGLE TO OPEN THE SEAL.
16. STAY VERY FAR AWAY FROM CAMELS.
17. STAY EVEN FARTHER AWAY FROM ARABS TRYING TO SELL YOU SOMETHING.
18. AMERICANS NEED TO KEEP A LOW PROFILE WHEN TRAVELING. WE ARE NOT LOVED.
19. DON'T TRUST ANYONE TO MAKE SHORE EXCURSION PLANS FOR YOU. DO IT YOURSELF.
20. CRUISING IS STILL THE BEST BANG FOR YOUR BUCK, ESPECIALLY IN THIS ECONOMY.
21. TRY TO LEARN A FEW PHRASES IN THE LOCAL DIALECT, WHEREVER THAT IS. BE CAREFUL DOING THIS IN CHINA BECAUSE THE SAME PHRASE MEANS BOTH HELLO AND I HAVE TO PEE, DEPENDING ON THE INFLECTION.
22. NO MATTER HOW MUCH I BITCH AND MOAN I WILL NEVER STOP TRAVELING.
23. MORE PHOTOS ARE FORTHCOMING.